Holiday season is upon us, can you believe it? With my birthday less than a week away and Christmas in a little more than a month, I have been constructing my annual wish list for the past few days. I actually have a master wish list, in which I log most things I would remotely consider buying and categorize them: events, art, home, food, beauty, clothes, books, and so on. However, in an effort to not scare people away with my neurotic list-making tendencies, I pare it all way, way down every year into a few concise bullet points of my most pressing fancies.
The exercise of writing out wish lists—both my master copy and the annual holiday edition—is a satisfying one for me. I think it can sometimes be perceived as materialistic or even greedy, understandably. For me, though, it’s a way to prevent myself of coveting items in my head too much. By purging them onto the list, they occupy less space in my mind and help me make better consumer decisions. Many of the things on my wish list are not big, sexy, flashy items; they’re books I’ve been meaning to read, small utilitarian gadgets to use in the kitchen, moisturizer I need to restock. Externalizing all these wants into one designated place allows me to prioritize purchases that are beneficial and useful to me when I have the extra money to spare.
But beyond my own personal uses, I like making gift-giving easier for the people who are so inclined (and kind and generous!) to do that for me around this time of year. If people are spending money on me, I want them to have the confidence that it will go far. Of course, I still very much appreciate surprises and understand that for some, the joy of giving gifts is being thoughtful enough to anticipate needs and desires and give something that might not have ever occurred to the recipient. The reality is, though, that as much as people might care about me, they have work and families and social lives and, oh yeah, a million other people to buy for. If I can give them a cheat-sheet for shit I’ll actually use, consume, and/or cherish, I absolutely will.
It is also the season of the gift guide, a relative to the wish list. This week’s newsletter is in fact directly inspired by Haley Nahman’s list of favorite things: “not not a gift guide.” Gift guides roll out everywhere at this time of year and are created for just about every identity there is. I find many of them to be almost aspirational, or perhaps just written by people who are out-of-touch with how much the average person can spend on any one person in their life (looking at you, Goop, even though I scroll through every year despite myself!!!).
For the people who don’t have the time or want to write a wish list, I do enjoy a good, accessible gift guide. So, I present to you my hybrid gift guide/wish list for 2021. A compilation of things I have bought or received and can wholeheartedly endorse, things I really want this year, and some general gift-giving wisdom to hopefully make these things more applicable even if you’re not buying for a twenty-something with a penchant for natural wine and expensive skincare. I pulled lots of inspiration from Haley Nahman’s list, YouTuber chrissstttiiine’s annual guide, and The Strategist, all great resources for your holiday gift-giving needs!
I can understand the cynicism around giving gifts during the holidays. Many cultural celebrations are tainted by rampant consumerism, ironically cheapening the act of giving presents. At a certain point, you start to wonder what the point of it all is. I think people should give gifts because they want to, because they are excited about them, because they want to show their love for someone. To me, a good gift is one that is thoughtful, functional, and has longevity, whether in real life or one’s memory. In other words, a good gift is one that someone will use. I have no interest in throwing money at massive corporations on gifts that will collect dust just to fulfill my perceived holiday season duties. My aim is to make the lives of the people I love easier, to infuse them with some small joys. If you are steered by love in this endeavor, you’ll be just fine.
Subscriptions and classes
I love gifts in subscription format because it’s really like a mini-gift every month (or week or whatever)—so much bang for your buck! You can usually control the amount you give, whether it’s three months or an annual subscription. It’s also something that you can tailor to almost anyone’s interests. In Christine Nguyen’s video, she mentions gifting media-based subscription services, like Criterion for film buffs or Spotify for music lovers. This year, I’m asking for subscriptions to a couple food newsletters I really enjoy, Vittles and Sourced. I’m also considering giving a friend a subscription to Alicia Kennedy’s newsletter about food, climate, labor, and more. It’s $35 a year for so much wonderful content every week. There are also monthly services that send a new tea, wine, or book to try. Another great idea is a Masterclass or Skillshare subscription (also mentioned by Christine!), allowing the recipient to choose from an array of classes. I think it would be fun to pick a couple out that they might enjoy and suggest them along with the card or email detailing the subscription. A physical class is also a great gift and helps people get out into the community—cooking classes would go down well with me, but painting, soap-making, and dance classes are all intriguing ideas.
Events and experiences
I am a huge proponent of gifts that aren’t tangible. In my experience, they are more likely to be “used,” and if not, they don’t lead to clutter or waste. Buying tickets for a concert for yourself and your recipient (or for them and a person of their choosing!) is always a classic option that has the built-in function of spending time with someone. For kids or children at heart, a day at an amusement or theme park sounds like a lot of fun. I would love to get tickets to a special museum exhibit I’ve wanted to go to, like Yayoi Kusama: Infinity Mirror Rooms at the Tate Modern. For nature lovers, a day outdoors in a state/national park or botanical gardens would be a dream. You could even pack a little picnic to elevate the whole thing to another level. If you have the budget, a staycation at a nice hotel in your city for one night is a welcome change of pace and a great opportunity to experience where you live in a different way.
Things to be consumed (aka food and drink)
People do not give food and drink gifts enough, in my opinion. I know that Connor’s sourdough starter wasn’t a huge hit in the pilot of Succession, but I think it’s a brilliant gift that requires time, effort, and love. I’m also a huge fan of high-quality pantry ingredients. A bottle of really good olive oil, an artisanal jam in a unique flavor, and fair-trade coffee are options that have mass appeal. Alcohol is a common gift for those that drink, and I would be excited to try a new natural wine this holiday season. In lieu of a bottle of something, you could also gift a tasting or an (insert alcohol of your choice)-of-the-month subscription, as previously mentioned. A reservation at a nice restaurant with a pre-fixe menu would be a delight for those who love good, long meal.
Gifts that can’t be bought
A lot of people don’t have tons of money to throw around when it comes to holiday gifts. While some of these other options are hopefully affordable, there are also ways to show someone you care while spending little to no money. A thoughtful playlist or mixtape always makes me smile—Haley has made me so many good ones over the years. If you practice any form of art, this is a great way to flex that skill. Haley has made me some really beautiful cross-stitch patterns, and I know my friend Jill has knitted some beautiful things for her family. The only cost of a beautiful home-cooked meal it that of the ingredients. Christine mentions acts of service: cleaning, babysitting, a massage, running errands, or any other item someone needs to check off their to-do list.
Pampering
The Taurus in me jumps out around this time of year—I unabashedly love to luxuriate and be pampered. I have some skincare buys that are pretty friendly for all skin types and under $30: Embryolisse Lait-Crème Concentré, Weleda Skin Food Light Nourishing Cream, Biore UV Aqua Rich Watery Essence SPF 50+, and Dieux Skin’s reusable eye masks. If the person you’re buying for has a bathtub and likes taking baths, scented bath salts and a luxurious body wash are such a treat. Candles are always nice to have around especially if you live in a colder, darker climate. I love Voluspa’s French Cade and Lavender Candle and Laboratory Perfume’s Amber Scented Candle (a bit pricey but it is SO good). For more of a splurge, a day at the spa is heaven, especially for someone who has a tough work schedule or is in some sort of caretaking position.
Donations
This kind of gift can be tricky, sometimes, because I think this can be taken the wrong way, viewed as a cop-out or an irritatingly sanctimonious gesture. For this reason, I think it works best for people you know well—well enough to understand what issues and causes are most important to them. These gifts also require a bit more research, as a lot of organizations and non-profits aren’t always transparent about how donations are used. In the past, I’ve given to the National Immigration Law Center, Planned Parenthood, ACLU, Sierra Club, and GiveDirectly. This year, I’ve added The Okra Project and World Central Kitchen. If you can, find smaller orgs, projects, or even individuals that are local to you. From what I’ve gathered, it’s best to give as directly as you can.
Utility
I believe some of the best gifts I’ve given over the years have been the boring, practical ones. There’s something really lovely about being so attuned to a person’s rhythms and routines, and this kind of gift is the perfect way to demonstrate that. For one of Ben’s birthdays, I noticed he had a pair of boots he loved but wasn’t wearing because of the worn, fraying shoelaces. I picked up a pair of plain back shoelaces for less than £10 and I think they were a bigger hit than the other component of the gift, a night’s stay at a boutique hotel. One gift that I cannot recommend enough is a phone case with a wallet attached. I use this one (from Amazon, I know, but I have not been able to find it anywhere else) and I am not being dramatic when I say it changed my life. Even just a wallet attachment like this for a pre-existing phone case is such a godsend when one can’t be bothered to carry a wallet or purse around. One thing I’m asking for this year is a really good quality vegetable peeler. Not exactly the most thrilling object to own, but it will make my life a hell of a lot easier in the kitchen. I’m eyeing this one from Sur La Table.
If you must: clothes, jewelry, décor, etc.
While these are some of the most popular gifts, I also think they are some of the most dangerous. Anything that can be used to decorate, whether it be your body or space, is so dependent on personal taste that unless you are a stylist or interior decorator, you’re bound to be at least a little off base. I remember asking Haley in college if she would ever like me buying clothes (or something similar) for her and she candidly replied with a definitive “no.” At first I was surprised, but it’s no fun to receive clothes you would never wear, and returning them for credit or cash just becomes another chore. If you feel strongly about buying someone something from these categories, my advice is to refer to said person’s wish list or err on the side of simplicity. I’m asking for a pair of classic, black Doc Marten Chelsea boots (mentioned in Haley Nahman’s list!). In the same vein, I think small gold hoops, classic sweaters in neutral colors, and a long, cozy scarf are all safe bets, for me at least. Beyond that, I think clothing is one of the things that it would be acceptable give a gift card for. In terms of home goods, I think a good option is some sort of wall decoration inspired by a love or interest of theirs that you are confident they’ll love.
I signed up for are.na after reading about it in this list of things Tavi Gevinson loves in the New York Times. It’s like a mix between Tumblr, Pinterest, Wikipedia, primarily catering to artists. I am using it to research and write my next couple essays and I’m excited.
The Lux: New Wave of Contemporary Art exhibition at 180 The Strand that I visited with my friend Hana.
I binged Ted Lasso in 6 days, if that’s any indication of how much I enjoyed it. I’m mostly a fair-weather fan when it comes to sports but I love a good sports story. The show is warm and heartfelt and made me very nostalgic for London despite only being gone for a couple weeks. It maybe be too saccharine for some but it was just what I was looking for.
These magazines I picked up in the UK that I haven’t started reading yet!
A meal from one of my favorite vegan-friendly spots in Minneapolis, Modern Times. My mom and I split the hashbrowns rancheros and a vegan reuben (I order it every single time).